New Year... Same Drill...

 2013 will be here.... http://HandoverTheirHearts.blogspot.com/

December Wrists

As the door shut I quickly realized how much harder a silence is to take back, than the words I should have said.

Please send the divers. Creativity is somewhere below. Every air bubble on the surface might have been it's last breath. All of the hardest, coldest people you meet were once as soft as water. Pretty sure that is the tragedy of living, and letting you in.

Don't All Nights Include Evading Long Lost Exits?

For now her chest is nothing more than an empty home waiting for me to return. She saved my life, and I made it look like a suicide. Tonight I'm the skeleton buried deep in her closet, painting dead roses on the nerves of her neck.

Standing at the base of the fire escape shaking my head.  The last few weeks were already covered in ash like a sunken ship that nobody cared to search for. I've never used a heart like I've been using hers. I feel inside out. The reverse side of karma. A devil with a halo.

Forgive me for forever slicing at barely healed wounds. I'm only happy when I'm hurting. I can't stand who I am right now. Dripping thoughts and emotion across this keyboard at her expense. Starting fights with her just so the pen can bleed. So afraid to be alone... a gutted match searching for his passport.

I'm Just Out Of Chances

Go ahead and wipe your feet on my dreams as you enter. Pull the chain to a light that hasn't worked in years, and climb those creaking stairs that lead towards who I used to be.

Welcome to my childhood bedroom. A place that eventually became armor that I could no longer wear.  There is a chest in the corner. Crack it open and watch as it breathes deep, almost like it has come back to life.

Sit there on the floor barely breathing in all the dust dangling in the air and notice that none of these stories are ever finished... because that's who I am. Never closing the door on a fucking thing. Never jotting down the last period. Never signing off.

Mind full of thoughts, trapped by a body that can't achieve rest. Before I met you I made a religion out of leaving others behind. Keep tabs on me or be forgotten. Sometimes I miss feeling down all of the time... like it was some close friend that moved away.

I'm the Reason for Participation Ribbons

If this heart is a hand grenade then every single word you said pulled the pin. Truth be told...  as soon as they passed your lips my shoulders began to shudder at the thought of your thighs pressed against mine.  Here's to hope playing the role of my best man, trying to convince me that you didn't mean it.  Just as fast as this all began, it all came to a halt (please understand this is all over).  As we're standing here exchanging excuses every single blade of grass is coming into focus... not in a slow type of giving up... more like a dam giving way all at once.

Betrayal isn't the right word, it's just the one that rolls off of my tongue with precision in this moment. You never really understand the weight of your words until they hit someone in the chest, and by then it's far too late.

Gun Over My Heart, Hand To My Head

Check the glove compartment for a passport full of stamps from all of the places that I've missed you in. Cornfields over coasts from now on. Nothing will ever feel as much like home as a sunset with the windows down on I-88. Pulling over for no reason other than infatuation.

Cold hearts get hot nights between the sheets, or either side of the lines we've drawn. Forget hushing headboards. Here's to the tennis elbow from being on top and the rug burn from you below.

The Way We Used To Matter

I'm the hurt in your neck from the split second glance that made you look away... the reason you missed that magic moment.  I'm the pain in your chest when they all describe it in detail, and the sadness in your voice when you play along. I'm in the corner snuggling up to the hope in your heart when you're praying they believe you. Forever the balloon string just out of reach.

I'm forever clumsy hearted, and chances are I'm still awake because of something you once said. Heavy eyes might fall from this cold damp space, but it won't change the way that you are the window I still find myself behind... waiting for the moon to rise one last time, and the sun to leave the earth.

Throwing alarm clocks out windows towards Millennium Park. The shadows won't make my scars disappear, only harder to see. And it's just like me to meet the greatest thing, only to find it's heart expired at the hands of another.